


Someone Left the Heart out in the Rain

by The_Snarkivist



Series: These Rainy Hearts [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Torchwood
Genre: Anal Sex, Consensual Blood Drinking, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Karaoke, M/M, Misgendering, Other, POV Ianto Jones, POV Jack Harkness, POV John Hart, POV Rupert Giles, POV Spike (BtVS), canon typical eye-rolling, past abusive behaviour, revenge magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Snarkivist/pseuds/The_Snarkivist
Summary: The Chaos Couple and their friends (frenemies?) are back!  This time: newly Immortal Lorne has opened an intergalactic resort and it presents the perfect opportunity for Rupert & Spike and Jack & Ianto to take that couples vacation they've been wanting to go on.  But they aren't the only ones who want to support Lorne's new venture. And soon everyone is plunged into another one of John and Ethan's dramas.*********You probably need to read "Hearts in the Rain" and "It's Raining Hearts" to fully understand this one. And I encourage you to do that cuz I think they are fun little stories.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, John Hart/Ethan Rayne, Katherine/Viago (What We Do in the Shadows), Lois Habiba/Willow Rosenberg, Lorne | Krevlorswath / original non-binary character, Nick (What We Do In the Shadows) / Drusilla (BtVS), Rupert Giles/Spike
Series: These Rainy Hearts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066130
Comments: 34
Kudos: 8





	1. “He drank the blood like lemonade”

**Author's Note:**

> Since most of this is set at Lorne's resort all of the chapter titles are from songs. I am going to update the character tags as I post chapters to try to avoid spoilers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles and Spike are having a normal night at home when they make a surprising discovery...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title for Chapter 1 comes from the song “Blood Like Lemonade” by Morcheeba.

"How would you feel about a holiday?" Rupert said idly, as he chopped carrots for a stew he was making.

"I will go anywhere you like, luv. But what about the sun?" Spike said as he dumped the onions he had chopped into the pot.

Rupert loved cooking with Spike in their kitchen. It was so blissfully domestic. The house wasn’t as tiny as some of the cottages that surrounded New Romney were, but it felt cozy. They always knew where the other one was in the house. But they usually chose to be in the same room. 

They hadn’t really made friends in the village though they had many friendly acquaintances. However, since Willow had started working at Torchwood, Jack and Ianto had much more time to pop by for dinner parties and movie nights thanks to Jack’s Vortex Manipulator. When things were really quiet in Cardiff Willow and Lois joined them.

But every once and awhile, Rupert longed for different scenery than the rural delights of the Romney Marsh and surrounding area. The thought of traveling with Spike filled him with delight. 

"Oh, well yes, darling, I did, um, think of that. I was thinking somewhere a little more intergalactic than say the beach." 

Spike raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"Lorne is expanding and he's opening an intergalactic resort. The whole thing is, uh, well a sanctuary like Caritas. It's quite safe for vampires, necro-tempered glass and all that. I think, um, it might be fun."

"How are we going to…?" Spike grinned at Rupert with affection. "Ah, this is you and Ianto scheming to do a couples getaway, isn't it?"

Rupert smiled shyly and Spike wanted to rip all his clothes off and have him right there in the kitchen. 

"It could be fun. You like Ianto and Jack. And I think it would be great to support Lorne. Besides, it’s for Ianto’s birthday. Jack wanted to do something nice for him. And if they go somewhere on Earth Ianto’s just going to be checking in with Lois every five minutes." 

"Of course, pet, let's do it. I assume Jack can transport us there?"

"Yes, we can, oh dear…" 

Rupert had cut himself. It wasn't deep but the smell of his blood made Spike almost woozy. 

"Here…" Rupert held his hand to Spike. 

Spike prided himself on his restraint. He craved Rupert's blood above all else, but was terrified of taking too much, so he had never bit him - despite Rupert's frequent offers. Rupert, that beautiful gentle soul, trusted Spike. He firmly believed Spike would never overdo it, but Spike didn't have the same confidence. But if Rupert cut himself whilst cooking or fixing things around the house he always offered the blood to Spike. 

It was pretty clear that having Spike drink his blood was as much of a turn on to Rupert as drinking it was to Spike. So much so that Spike suspected Rupert occasionally cut himself on purpose. 

Spike was at Rupert's hand in seconds and watched in amazement as the skin instantly knitted back together.

"What the…?" 

"Oh… the, uh, Ethan's wedding… Do my cells heal instantly now?" Rupert mused aloud. 

"Rupert! No!" 

Before Spike could stop him, Rupert dragged the blade across a fleshy part of his arm. It was all Spike could do to not attack the wound and drink from Rupert. 

But just as the small cut on his finger had, the gash on Rupert's arm quickly knitted back together.

"Oh, this is simply incredible! When they said we were immortal, I thought it meant I wouldn’t die of old age. I didn’t think… but of course. Oh, just think what this means for our… uh… well, you know." Rupert waggled his eyebrows.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Indeed.” Rupert said as he pulled Spike’s arm. They practically ran up the stairs to their bedroom, ripping off items of clothing as they went. 

“It can’t be your neck. That’s too risky. We don’t know the parameters of this.” Spike panted as he stepped out of his jeans and underwear.

“No indeed...., um what about my wrist?” Rupert said as he climbed on the bed completely naked. 

“Or… remember in Bram Stoker’s Dracula? How he made her drink from his chest? That was hot.” 

Rupert rolled his eyes affectionately. “Spike darling, why are you so obsessed with Gary Oldman? You made me watch that spy movie like twenty times...” 

“Oldman's George Smiley is a masterful performance of restraint and nuance. You have to watch it multiple times to appreciate that. Also, I’m just saying, he made a good Dracula. And that scene was hot. And there’s no arteries in that spot. What if it’s just insubstantial wounds that heal automatically? I can’t take chances with you. You know I couldn’t live without you.” 

Rupert looked at him warmly. “William my love, I know, you’re nervous about this. But when Lois scanned us she said we were all immortal. I trust Torchwood tech to know.” 

Rupert was pulling out the big guns. He called Spike William when he was trying to prove how much he trusted Spike and how little of the demon had control of him now that he had his soul back. Or also when Spike tried to make him read his poetry. The demon hadn’t improved his writing ability sadly. 

“Rupert pet, if I hurt you I could never live with myself. You have to understand that. Can we please just do it my way?” He had climbed on the bed and was gently caressing Rupert’s face. “And anyway, in this scenario, you’d be Gary Oldman. I would be Winona Ryder, which frankly I don’t mind at all.” 

“Fine. You win. It does sound kind of, uh, hot.” 

Spike smiled. And then he forced his fangs out. He leaned forward and scratched a cut into Rupert’s chest above his nipple. It was a bit awkward but he was glad he didn’t have gross sharp nails like Dracula did in that movie. He was very fastidious about his nails, always keeping them neatly trimmed and making sure the black nail polish was chipped in a punk rock, I don’t care, kind of way and not a lazy careless way. 

As soon as the smell and taste of Rupert’s blood hit him, all thoughts of the movie or Dracula or his nails, or anything fled his mind. There was really no substitute for warm human blood. And with Rupert’s blood, he could always taste how much love and trust his human had for him. He wondered why he had been so addicted to the taste of fear and pain for all those years because love was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. He lapped up the blood, as always, conscious of how much he was taking. Rupert moaned and gripped onto Spike’s shoulders. 

“This feels so good, William. I feel so connected to you. Drink more, I’m constantly instantly renewing my blood supply.” 

Spike kept drinking despite his apprehensions. Rupert was right, he should have been passing out by now if it weren’t for his automatic replenishment of blood. Spike was harder than he had ever been in his life. Even pig’s blood allowed him to marginally get it up but it was only really human blood or other intimate fluids that really did the trick. He made himself pull away. He had enough, probably too much, as he was feeling all tingly like he was drunk. He watched in satisfaction as the wound closed and there was no sign of any cut to Rupert.

“Oh… there you go, I told you it would work. I don’t feel nearly as light headed as I should for the amount you drank.” 

Spike kissed Rupert, he felt electric. Rupert was feeling things too as he kissed Spike back equally as passionately. 

Then Spike encircled Rupert in his arms and gently lay them back on the bed. Then he reached for the condoms and lube in the bedside drawer. Given the effect sperm had on him, he had no idea if it could turn Rupert. So they had always used condoms, he couldn’t bear the thought of his gentle, soft spoken, book reading, gardener lover turning evil. 

“You look so beautiful, my William.” Rupert said. “I thought you might look more like a vampire when you drank so much from me. But you look more human than ever.” 

“I feel incredible. And you look so gorgeous like this Rupert. It’s like I’m seeing you in a way I’ve never seen you before. You’re glowing… with energy… you’re so alive. So… so…” 

He had absolutely no words so he settled for actions. After putting on the condom and lubing himself, he set about preparing Rupert. Rupert put his legs onto Spike’s shoulders to open for him.

Rupert moaned as Spike slid a finger into him, and then another. Rupert arched into his touch, pushing Spike’s fingers further inside of him. And then Spike couldn’t wait any longer. He pulled out his fingers and lined up his cock with Rupert’s entrance. 

The both called out in ecstasy as Spike thrust into Rupert. The world was spinning, Rupert was so hot and tight, and Spike felt so intimately connected to him. If he had had a beating heart it would have beat in time with Rupert's. He thrust slowly and steadily, intimately invested in not hurting his Rupert. 

“More William, I can take it.” Rupert groaned. 

Spike picked up the pace, he had locked eyes with Rupert and the love and trust he saw there was the same that he saw reflected back. He felt like they were one being. One being fueled by love. 

He reached in between their bodies and started to pump Rupert’s cock. He was so smooth, so hot and alive in Spike’s hand. 

“Please William, harder.” Rupert pleaded as he arched his back and gripped Spike’s shoulders. 

Spike shook himself of his reverie and began to seriously thrust. Rupert’s moans of satisfaction told him that he wasn’t hurting his love. The universe seemed so aligned and beautiful. The sweat on their bodies glimmered like gold. And Spike lost control, he plunged himself into Rupert, hitting his prostate. His man cried out in pleasure and he felt glowing hot sperm on Spike’s hand as Rupert convulsed in orgasm.

Spike was so close, he held his hand up to his mouth and licked the ejaculate off of it. And everything glowed even more. He was completely in sync with everything. He thrust several more times and finally came harder than he had ever come in his life and undeath. 

**********************************

“William my star, are you okay?” Rupert asked with concern. 

Spike had collapsed on top of him, barely pulling out. Now he lay on Rupert’s chest with a dazed smile on his lips and a faraway look in his eyes. Rupert took a moment himself. That had been incredibly intense. Sex with Spike was never dull or average but this had been another level, or eventually was, Spike had seemed a bit stoned at first. What an effect all that blood had had on him? Rupert thought to himself that next time they’d have to try a little less and work up to that much. 

“Mmmm, the universe. I’m one with the universe....” Spike babbled.

“Oh dear.” Rupert said. He extricated himself from Spike and went to get a cloth to clean them. Once they were both clean he settled onto the bed again, maneuvering Spike under the blankets and then wrapping himself around his vampire. 

Spike’s skin was cooling down. Rupert loved how cold Spike was at night. He could never abide being too warm in bed. Sleeping wrapped around Spike’s undead body or vice versa gave him the perfect temperature. Spike held on to him and snuggled into his arms more.

“You’re so warm. I feel… that was…. Woooaah…” 

“My love, I hope you don’t regret this in the morning.” 

Did vampires get hangovers from too much blood? 

“It was worth it. We’re so…. We’re a part of everything… You felt so incredible…” 

And with that Spike was snoring in a deep sleep. 

*********************************

“Are you sure you’ll be alright? You have my cell phone. I bought intergalactic minutes so we should be good. But also, I’ll be checking my email and I wrote the emergency landline that goes straight to Lorne’s office down on a piece of paper and put it on the fridge in the kitchen.” 

“Um, sir, I don’t think… Well, yes, of course I will let both of you know if there’s a problem. But I think we’ll be good.” Lois said seriously. 

“Oh come on Ianto, it’s going to be fine.” Jack slung an arm around Ianto. “Personally, I don’t think he understands how vacations are supposed to work.” Jack said to Lois and Willow. 

“We’ve really got it covered!” Willow said peppily. “There’s five of us, two of which are immortal, and then Kathy or Agent Johnson are just a - local - phone call away. You two have fun now! And you say hi to Giles and Spike for me. Tell them to send us a postcard!”

“Will do!” Jack said excitedly. 

Ianto smiled. “I know you are all very capable. I just feel bad being so far away. I don’t want to abandon you.” 

“Really, sir, we’re fine. You really deserve this vacation.” Lois encouraged. “Besides, the Rift predictor says we’ll have a few quiet weeks.”

“Are we ready? We should be in New Romney soon if we’re going to catch the orbiting shuttle to New Caritas.” 

Ianto nodded, a smile finally breaking onto his face. “I am really looking forward to this!” 

Jack grinned as he grabbed Ianto’s hand and transported them to GIles and Spike’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spy movie with the character George Smiley that Spike refers to is Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.
> 
> I am a weirdo so I have thought a lot about vampire biology. And this is a result of the way I have designed it - Vampires don't have blood so penis-having vamps can't maintain an erection unless they consume bodily fluids - blood is the best but ejaculate will work too (that's kind of where I stopped thinking when it came to bodily fluids cuz the rest get gross to think about consuming). Anyway, this all should explain the sex scene.


	2. “Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto & Jack and Spike & Giles arrive at New Caritas. They learn that a someone from one of their pasts is also staying there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from the song “Exes and Ohs” by Elle King.

“Welcome kiddos!!” The green man in the impeccable suit waved at the group as they exited the landing pod. 

“Lorne! So lovely to see you. We can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place!” Ianto excitedly shook Lorne’s hand. 

“Well duckies, I will be happy to give you a grand tour once we get you all checked in and settled in your rooms.” 

Lorne motioned for them to follow and they all stepped into an elevator.

“Check-in is a few floors up, the landing bay floor is mostly mechanical rooms and such like. So..” he said looking at Spike and Giles, “is this your first intergalactic trip?” 

“Yes… uh, never left the old Earth before. It’s been quite exciting so far.” Giles answered. 

Ianto couldn’t get over how adorable Giles and Spike were during this whole trip. They had been quite clearly madly in love before but he had noticed the sadness in Spike’s eyes when he was sure Rupert wasn’t looking at him. Ianto knew that sadness, Jack had given him that look many times when he was still mortal. But that worry was gone now for both Spike and Jack. And Spike was consistently starring hearts at Giles. They also seemed even more in synch than they had before, if that was possible. 

“And how about you, pretty eyes? You must be pretty new to space travel as well.” It took Ianto a moment to realize Lorne was grinning at him. 

“Oh! Yes, just my second trip. Jack took me to the Boeshane Peninsula as soon as I had finished training Willow.” 

Jack smiled at him with affection. The trip had been marvelous even if he had worried about the Hub whilst he was gone. Jack had told him so many stories from his childhood. He felt like he knew his lover so much better when they returned.

“Lovely! I do hope our favourite witch is fitting in okay at Torchwood.”

“She’s wonderful! And she’s the reason that this one,” Jack put a loving arm around Ianto, “would even think of going on such a long vacation.”

The elevator dinged.

“Here we are, reception!” 

Later after everyone had deposited their luggage in their rooms they joined Lorne in the lobby for a tour. 

“Well first off, let me show you my pride and joy. No Caritas establishment is complete without a karaoke bar!” 

Lorne showed them to a welcoming looking room with a stage at the front. 

“The karaoke starts at 2 pm. But we do open for lunch at 1. And I recommend you get your picks on the roster as soon as you arrive. It does fill up. We have a fully stocked bar - all the various intergalactic alcohols and sodas. And,” he said looking at Spike, “seven different kinds of animal blood. Although, perhaps, you don’t have as big of a need for that in light of the, um, immortality thing.” 

Spike was physically incapable of blushing but Giles was doing enough of that for the both of them. 

“Now moving along. We have the gift shop where you can get postcards and t-shirts, and things like that. Oh and in here is our solarium." 

Spike froze and looked panicked. Rupert put a reassuring arm around Spike. 

"Oh silly! Don't worry! The glass is the finest necro-tempered glass money can buy! Completely blocks out the harmful effects of the sun but none of the view! The sunsets here are simply stunning!" 

With Giles’s gentle encouragement, Spike slowly inched into the room. The sun was streaming in through the windows but it didn’t affect Spike at all. 

“Right on! This is great!!” 

Giles smiled at him. 

“This room is quite popular with our vampire clientele.” Lorne explained. “In fact, here’s some of our other vampiric guests now.” 

Ianto looked at Spike in alarm. All of the joy on his face vanished and if possible, he looked even more pale. He was staring in disbelief at a dreamy eyed woman who almost floated over, followed by a youngish looking man. 

“Oh pretty pretty!!! Look who it is.” She said in a sing-songy voice. 

“Dru….???” Spike managed to get out. 

Giles looked quite alarmed and the protective arm went back around Spike’s shoulder. Spike wrapped his arm around Giles’ waist in a grip that looked like it would have left bruises if immortals could bruise. 

“Pretty cheekbones has a new beau. Do you see Nicky… He’s found a nice pretty cow to drink from so he doesn’t have to stalk his prey.” 

“Dru-y” The young man, who appeared to have a New Zealand accent, said with embarrassment. “That’s not so nice, er, I mean, you know, Dr. Lelani was talking about saying mean things.” He looked at Giles and Spike. “She’s really working on it, I swear.” 

“This is my new pretty.” Drusila said. 

“Name’s Nick!” The man said and he shook all their hands and introduced themselves. Ianto noted that his hands were cool, so he must be a vampire as well. 

“He’s a Kiwi fruit. They call them that because they are so yummy.” Drusila babbled. Nick smiled patiently at her.

“That’s right, I’m your Kiwi fruit.” 

“Nicky brought me here so the doctor can fix my head. She’s really quite good.” 

“They.” Lorne corrected. 

“What?” Drusila asked, confused.

“Leilani uses they/them pronouns.” Lorne explained. 

“Oh right! I forget. The little gears in my brain… I fully support their identity. I had a non-binary bird once, you know? They were so pretty…. But then I got so hungry and I drank from them. And then they died, they just lay there, all dried out, no blood in them...” 

Lorne opened his mouth to comment and then just shut it and rolled his eyes. Smart to pick your battles, Ianto thought. 

“Anyway,” Nick said, “speaking of Dr. Lelaini, we should go. Dru-y remember, you have an appointment with them in twenty minutes. We don’t want to be late like we were last time.” 

“Time… time doesn’t matter… time is…. But yes, let’s go Nicky. The spacemen will be busy soon enough with the storm between the witch and the cheekbones." Dru was babbling incomprehensibly as the two walked off. 

Spike looked shaken, Giles was rubbing his arm comfortingly. 

“They, uh, seem… well, he seems nice.” Ianto commented trying to break the awkwardness. 

“Do you think he has a soul?” Giles wondered.

“I mean, he’s from New Zealand, he’s probably super nice and good even without a soul…” Jack quipped. Everyone looked at him. “What?? It was a joke!” 

“Wait, is Leilani here? Do they have their practice here?” Ianto asked.

Lorne blushed, which is to say that he got a little greener. “Yes! They have an office here. I had lots of room and we liked the idea of people coming for therapy and staying for karaoke and other fun resort things!” 

“Oh, well, that’s wonderful.” Giles smiled. “I would love to see them again.” 

“What do you say we all have a meal together tonight?” Lorne suggested. “I try to stay in the karaoke room, so let’s meet there. There’s a little semi-private room where we can eat where it won’t be too loud but I can still hear the singers.” 

Everyone agreed.

“Speaking of karaoke, I need to go soon to help them set up.” Lorne said. “But let me just show you the gym and the pool and then I’ll leave you all to it!” 

******************************  
"What was going on with Spike and that weird woman? Is she an ex?" Jack asked as he closed the door to their room.

"Not 'an' ex, 'the' ex. She's his sire." Ianto explained. 

"How do you… no, of course you know. But what's a sire?"

"She made him a vampire. Though, according to Giles, she was influenced by Angelus, also one of his exes, who now has a soul."

"Oooh shit! Also, you have a chart somewhere of all of this, don't you?"

"Willow helped me make it. Just in case anymore of their enemies start dating our enemies. Again.”

"Smart. But I bet that's not why you made it. I think you just like knowing everything." 

"Can't both be true?"

"You are such a nerd." Jack said as he pulled Ianto to the bed. "It really turns me on."

Ianto pulled Jack in for a kiss. He’d forgotten how horny Jack got in hotel rooms.

“What about Lorne and Lelani though?” Ianto said as he and Jack broke their kiss and lay on the hotel bed facing each other. 

“Really? You think?” Jack asked.

“Did you see how Lorne blushed when we asked him about them? I wonder if they met during John and Ethan’s wedding?” 

“Ianto, please tell me you don’t also have a chart of who all our friends have dated and are dating. What are you, the Alice Pieszecki of our group?” 

Ianto blushed and Jack kissed him again, rolling on top of him. “Fuck, I love you so much you big nerd!” Jack said as he began to unbutton Ianto’s shirt.

**************************

"Are you ok?" Rupert asked as soon as he had closed the door to their room.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s just weird.” Spike shrugged. Rupert suspected he was downplaying how much it really bothered him.

"William," Rupert went to Spike and began to stroke his face, Spike wrapped his arms around Rupert's waist. The way he held on told Rupert he was right. "She can't hurt you, you know? Not here anyway. Lorne has all those wards to prevent violence."

"I know, love. It just takes me back. Back to the bad old days…" 

Rupert nodded sympathetically. "You, um, you have come a long way since then. William, you are a good man. You died saving the world. That has to count for something."

"Is it enough, though, to make up for all the centuries without a soul? All the innocent lives I destroyed, and that I enjoyed destroying?"

"Oh, my love." Rupert held Spike's face in his hands, "you can't change the past. It's done, it's over. But you chose to get your soul back. You fought for it. I am so proud of you."

Spike leaned his head on to Rupert’s shoulder. 

“I loved her, you know? I really did love her. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest relationship. But.. it wasn’t an obsession like it was with Buffy.” 

Rupert tried not to tense. He had been with Spike for so long, but he still found it awkward to talk about Buffy. 

“I wanted to take care of her and I wanted her to be happy.” He gripped onto Rupert tightly. “I think I’ve only really truly loved two people in my life. But as much as I did love her, it was an unhealthy… It was fucked up and dark. Not like it is with you. My love for you always made me better. I’ve never been as far from a beast as I am when I’m with you. Rupert, you saved me. You know that right?” 

Rupert felt tears in his eyes. “You saved me too, William.” 

Spike pulled back and Rupert caressed his face. He tilted Spike’s jaw up into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!! I would love to hear what you think! 
> 
> Note: Alice Pieszecki is a character from the tv show The L Word who creates a large chart which plots all of the lesbian relationships and one-night stands she knew of, in her group of friends and beyond it, in order to prove that everyone was sleeping with everyone.


	3. "You know I can’t stand your running around”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack & Ianto and Rupert & Spike are not the only couple vacationing at New Caritas. And another unexpected ex shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from "I Put a Spell on You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins.

The matching grins on Spike and Rupert’s faces told Ianto that they had been doing exactly the same thing in their rooms as Jack and Ianto had. Ianto smiled. 

“Have you picked a song?” Jack asked excitedly.

“I keep trying to talk this one into singing Billy Idol but it’s a no go.” Rupert said as he stared hearts at Spike.

“What do you expect, Rupes? He stole my look. I’m still not over it.” 

They all laughed. Giles leaned in and kissed Spike. These two were so adorable. 

“What about you?” Rupert asked.

“Depends on what Lorne has. I want to do a Cole Porter song.” Jack was giddy. Ianto couldn’t decide what Jack liked more, showing off and singing or all the nice things Lorne always said about him when he had finished.

“I was thinking…” Ianto started when he was interrupted by a loud yell from across the room.

“EYE CANDY!!! And Captain Pretentious!” 

Ianto’s face fell into a grimace. Was there no way to escape these chaos-obsessed idiots?

Ianto, Jack, Rupert, and Spike all turned around to see John Hart dragging a slightly less enthusiastic Ethan Rayne towards them. 

“What, er, why, uh. Hello John and Ethan.” Rupert said politely. 

“Oh hey, Bookface and Teeth! Didn’t see you there. How are all of you?” John, weirdly, seemed delighted to see them. 

“We were great.” Jack said meaningfully. 

“Well, isn’t this fun? It’s a regular couples getaway, Magic Hands,” John turned to Ethan whose sour expression instantly melted into a grin when John looked at him, “isn’t it marvelous that we’re all here at the same time?” 

“Yes, my love, it’s wonderful. If you are happy, I am happy.” 

“So, what brings you here?” Ianto asked.

“Well, I’m being a proper supportive big brother, aren’t I?” John said puffing himself up. “Gotta support Lei and their new boyfriend’s business, of course!” 

Ianto gave Jack a subtle “I told you so” look. 

“Well, that’s quite lovely of you.” Rupert said. 

“Speaking of…” John said with a smile as Leilani and Lorne walked over to them. 

“Oh would you look at this group! What a collection of lovely people!” Lorne said with his usual enthusiasm. 

Leilani, with their typical calm, nodded in greeting to the group and smiled at Lorne. 

“Now don’t forget to get your song picks in! John and Ethan, so lovely to see you! Looking forward to that tennis match we’re all going to have tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll forgive me if I steal away your friends for a bit. We have been dying to catch up! See you tomorrow!” 

Ianto, Jack, Rupert, and Spike all smiled gratefully at Lorne as the group moved towards the private room. Ianto had no idea how Lorne managed to be so firm but so polite at the same time. He knew if it had been him John would have invited himself to dinner and the group would have spent two awkward hours of either not knowing where to look whilst John and Ethan snogged or listening to them both brag about how perfect their lives were. 

*********************

“Did you know *they* were going to be here?” Ethan sounded angry. John was taken aback. He’d never heard that tone from Magic Hands before. 

“No! I swear. Just wanted to visit Leilani and support their business. Ethan are you okay?” 

“Of course! I’m fine.” Ethan snapped, sounding very much not fine. 

John just had no idea what to do, so he decided to ignore it. Ethan had been slightly grumpy since a few weeks before they left for New Caritas. Since the day they booked their tickets. Maybe he didn’t want to be here? “Hey, let’s get some food and sign up for our songs. I told Lei to make sure they have every single song Stevie Nicks ever sang so you can sing anything you want! 

Ethan shook his head and then smiled. “Sorry, I… just felt something weird. But yes my love, let’s go sign up for our songs.” 

But when they got to the book, Ethan hesitated. “You know, on second thought. I just don’t feel like singing. But you go ahead.” 

John cocked his head and looked at Ethan. Ethan smiled sweetly at him. It was strange, usually showing off was Ethan’s favourite thing in the world. John signed up for some songs and they went to a table and looked at the menus and ordered. 

Ethan took John's hands in his. "Johnny, I am so glad you are mine. Thank you for bringing me here. Do you want to sneak into the solarium later and fuck up against the glass? Maybe someone outside will be watching?"

John breathed a sigh of relief. Magic Hands was acting normal again. 

"I like how you think, Magic Hands! I can't believe it's been 45 minutes since we last had sex. That's so long." 

Ethan grinned evilly as his phantom hands roamed John's body. John writhed in pleasure, hoping that people were watching them. 

By the time the server brought their food, John had already come in his pants, which was messy and going to be sticky later, but luckily he was wearing PVC pants which wouldn't show a stain. 

Ethan grinned at John as they began to eat their food. 

"That's strange," Ethan made a face as he ate. "Does your food taste a bit chalky?"

"Not at all my love." John took a fork and tasted some of Ethan's curry. "Nope, this doesn't taste chalky to me. Are you sure you are ok?"

Ethan looked perplexed. "I don't know. I've never been in space before. The air is probably playing around with my sinuses."

After dinner Ethan went to the washroom. John was enjoying listening to a wrinkly looking demon he vaguely remembered from his wedding with a shockingly good voice sing “Like a rhinestone cowboy” when he heard someone near him shriek, "Oh my gawd!! Blondie Bear?! I can't believe it!"

He looked up to see a young woman towering over him. 

“Huh?” John was quite confused. And he was even more confused when the woman - who had preternatural strength - hauled him up and started kissing him passionately. It took him a moment for his brain to realize what was even happening and then attempted to push her away. 

“Oh you’re not Blondy Bear! You’re human. How weird,” she said. 

“What the fuck!!!???” Ethan boomed behind them. 

“Oh, I just thought this was Spikey but I guess he isn’t. He’s a good kisser though. I think he was into it,” she giggled to Ethan who looked like his head was going to explode. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!! Why does everyone always think I’m Spike?!” John whined. “Why doesn’t anyone ever think he’s me. Why do I have to look like that slutty vampire/!!” 

“Are you saying you wish *I* hadn’t thought you were Spike?” Ethan said angrily.

“What? No! Oh Magic Hands, I’m glad *you* got that wrong.” 

“Well you’re not acting like that. And maybe “people who think you’re that dumb vampire” is your type. I saw how you were all over this floozy when she was kissing you.” 

“I am not a floozy!!” The woman put a hand on her hip and flipped her blond hair back. “And if there weren't wards that make me not be able to bite you, you’d be sorry you called me that.” 

“Oh great!! You were snogging a vampire!” Ethan yelled. 

People were starting to stare at them, which normally would be exactly what John wanted. But he was not enjoying this. 

The blond woman turned back to John. “Well, I’m Harmony. Come find me later if you get sick of this wet blanket,” she said motioning to Ethan. 

“I will not get sick of him! He’s my husband and I love him!” John yelled at her rapidly disappearing back. 

He looked helplessly at Ethan who still looked very angry. 

“You’re my property! What the fuck are you doing kissing a vampire! Is a witch not enough for you?” 

“I… no… It’s not…. Ethan??” 

John was so confused. Normally when Ethan called John his property it was sexy and fun. It was part of their whole BDSM role playing thing. But the snarl on Ethan’s face was frankly scary. He’d never seen this dark side of his warlock husband. He was the king of making stupid decisions but he had thought that marrying Ethan was the only smart thing he’d ever done in his life. Had he been wrong about that? 

“She kissed me! She’s a vampire - she has super strength, I couldn’t stop her. Please Ethan, you have to know I wouldn’t… I couldn’t do that to you.” 

“I’m going for a walk. BY MYSELF!” Ethan said and turned on his heel and was gone. 

John slumped down into his chair. What had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I would love to hear what you think! And kudos really help chase away the pandemic blues.
> 
> I’m not sure if it is clear but the demon that John is enjoying listening to is Clem. He doesn’t come up anywhere else in the story but in my head canon Lorne and Clem are best friends. Also, Clem has an amazing voice and only ever sings Glen Campbell songs.


	4. “I knew you'd find me, 'cause I longed you here”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorne and Leilani talk about how they got together. And Spike has a lot of dealing with the past to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from “Are You the One That I’ve Been Waiting For” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

“So…” Jack said as they were finishing their dessert. He was dying of curiosity. For most of the dinner no one had mentioned the fact that Lorne and Leilani were dating. “You two? When did that start? Did you meet at the chaos wedding?” Jack gulped. Leilani probably wouldn’t take kindly to Jack insulting their brother. 

But Leilani just smiled serenely and looked at Lorne with love in their eyes. 

“Oh,” Lorne blushed again. “Yes, we met at the bachelors party at Caritas. I heard them sing a song by Rae Spoon and I just knew that we were meant to be together.” 

“Lorne is such a caring and nurturing person,” Leilani said, taking Lorne’s hand. “After I finished singing, he came up to me. And I could tell he was quite nervous. So of course I thought he was going to tell me some bad news.” 

“Oh, I’m never nervous about that Lei-li!” Lorne laughed. 

“So he said, ‘You spend so much of your life healing and caring for others. You make a great change in the world. And we are all better for you and the work you do. But who cares for you?’” 

“Now, you understand,” Lorne said, “I don’t normally abuse my gift of sight to hit on beautiful people. But Leilani captivated me from the moment I heard them sing.” 

“Well,” Leilani grinned at Lorne. “It was a fair question. Because the answer was, well other than myself, no one really. I didn’t know what to say. I think I said, “I do.’” 

“And then, I said, ‘And you do a great job of it. But sometimes it’s nice to have someone take care of you. If you ever want that, I’d very much like to do it.’” Lorne smiled beatifically. 

“And I blushed - which I almost never do - and I said, ‘I think I would like that.’” 

“Awwww.” Ianto said and leaned his head on Jack’s shoulder. “That’s so romantic!” 

Jack put his hand on Ianto’s leg and found Ianto’s hand in his immediately. He had seen Ianto face down the most terrifying of aliens and not even blink, but tell him a sweet story about a couple in love and he absolutely melted. He kept his cards very close to his chest but Ianto was an incurable romantic. Jack loved that about him. 

“That’s so wonderful!” Giles enthused. "I am so happy for you both!" 

"So glad to…" The words died on Spike's lips as a deranged caterwauling hit their ears. 

"Iiiiiiiiiii huuuuuuuuurt myself todaaaaaaaaaay!" Came John Hart's unmistakable voice. "To seeeeeeeee if I still feeeeeeeel." 

Lorne and Leilani looked distressed. 

Jack did not have Lorne's ability to read fates from singing but he didn't need that skill to decode what John was going through.

"Oh dear!" Lorne said. "It's very important that I tell all of you two things based on his singing. John and Ethan, as I'm sure you guessed, are having a very serious fight. And…" he looked at Spike, "Harmony is here causing trouble on New Caritas."

Giles immediately put a protective arm around Spike who looked crestfallen. 

"Oh for fuck sakes! Please tell me that you didn't invite Buffy and Angel too? Because why not have all my exes here?"

"Oh duckie, I am so sorry. I didn't know. Whoever she's here with must have made the booking. I didn't know she was coming." 

“It’s not your fault, mate.” Spike said dejectedly. “Sorry for snapping at you.” 

"So," Ianto asked, "did this Harmony person cause the fight between John and Ethan?"

Jack thought it was typically modest of Ianto to say the woman's name as if he hadn't done extensive research on all of both Spike and Giles's exes in case any of them caused trouble and as if he didn’t know exactly who she was. This Harmony sounded like a massive troublemaker so no doubt Ianto's file on her was huge. 

“I’m afraid she did.” 

“Shit!” Spike said. “I suppose she thought he was me. Harm doesn’t have many boundaries.” 

“And Ethan is so jealous. I can’t see that going well.” Jack said. 

“But that’s a misunderstanding that could be cleared up in a matter of minutes.” Ianto said thoughtfully. “I think something else is going on.” 

“But Ianto,” Jack corrected, “Ethan is super possessive, he probably just thought John was interested in her.” 

“He is, uh, quite, well, he doesn’t like people touching his things.” Giles added. 

“Well, sweeties, I think we should go out there and investigate.” Lorne said as he rose. “Or at least I need to.” 

But everyone else was also getting up. 

“Fucking John Hart, always causing chaos.” Jack grumbled to Ianto out of Leilani’s earshot. He was never going to be free of this asshole. 

***********************************

As they emerged from the private room John had given up on the song and was curled in a ball and weeping on the stage. Leilani rushed over to him and pulled him into their arms. After they whispered some things into his ear, they both stood and Leilani led him off the stage to a both nearby. 

Spike sighed. Apparently this vacation was all about reliving the past. 

“Stupid Harmony.” He grumbled. Jack and Ianto had gone to sign up for some songs.

Rupert nodded and rubbed his back. Rupert always knew when to touch him and he always made everything better. Spike did not deserve this kind and loving man. Especially not, he realized, if he was still thinking of Harmony the way he always had: as an annoying little mosquito who only existed to make him angry. He shuddered when he thought about how incredibly abusive he had been to her. 

Of course Harmony was annoying, she was, what, 18? 19? when he met her. He had been almost 150. He should have been the adult in that relationship. Or, since he clearly had found her so annoying, he should have broken up with her. He was only shagging her first to forget Dru, then because he was bored, then to forget Rupert, and then because he couldn’t have Buffy. And finally in L.A. because he was just so excited to be alive again. He had never once seen her for her. “That was badly done, badly done indeed,” he thought to himself. And then he thought he should stop reading so many Jane Austen novels and read a something a little more punk.

He noticed that Rupert was trying to follow his stream of consciousness expressions. 

“No, she’s not stupid,” he said by way of explaination. “Rupes, I was horrible to her. How can I call myself a good man when I treated her how I did. I hit her, I even staked her and I didn’t know that she had the Ring of Amara. I literally tried to murder her. I was such an evil abusive asshole.” 

“Oh William,” Rupert put his arms around Spike’s waist and looked deeply into his eyes. “The important word there is “was”. You aren’t that man anymore. You didn’t have a soul when you were with her.” 

“But I didn’t have a soul when I was with you at first! And I never treated you like I treated her.” 

Rupert kissed his forehead. “But you weren’t as kind and loving as you are now. We did a lot of hurting each other, maybe not physically, but definitely emotionally. And you know what I think about this. Maybe the fact that you didn’t have any love in your heart for Harmony meant that the demon controlled you more when you were with her. Whereas with me, William pushed his way to the surface so much more. You never treated Dru like you treated Harmony either. I think when you truly loved someone, you were more human.” 

Spike nuzzled into Rupert’s neck and wrapped his arms around him. Rupert protectively held him back. He needed to hear and smell the precious blood pumping through Rupert’s neck. He needed to be so close so that he could prove that he was capable of resisting it. You couldn’t very well be a demon and stick your face in your lover’s neck and not bite them. 

“Oh,” he heard Rupert say. He whipped his head up and looked to see why Rupert had said that comment. Speak of the goddamned devil, Drusila was gliding over to him. Her young boyfriend was following. 

“William…” she said in greeting. He flinched hearing that name on her lips. He had come to think of that name as only Rupert’s to call him. 

“I am sorry to interrupt the sweeties being all lovey,” she giggled. “But I wanted to tell you something. It’s a… well… the doctor lady…” 

Nick coughed meaningfully behind her.

“The doctor person,” she corrected herself. “They are helping me. Helping my poor swiss cheese brain. Fixing all the little holies and all the little bad bits in it. Also they have me on medication. Which makes my foggy brain clearer. I feel balanced for the first time in forever.” 

Spike just stared. 

“Anyway… Dr. Leilani said I should make amends. They want me to go to all the little pretties I hurt and grovel. And, you Wi…” she looked at Rupert, cocked her head, “I know, pretty librarian, that’s not my name for him anymore. You Spike, I hurt you the most.” 

Now Spike’s jaw was actually dropping. 

“Will the pretty forgive me?” She asked nervously. “I murdered you… I took away your soul and made you mean and made you good at killing. I thought you were like a pretty bird. But I always kill my birds. I don’t notice and they die. I am sorry.” 

“I.. uh… wow!” Spike was having trouble forming words. “Thank you, Dru. I’m sorry things got so bad with us. I think we both truly loved each other. But I think it was for the best that it ended. We couldn’t be our best selves together. Not like I can with Rupert. And you, well, Mr. Nick, it looks like you’ve done so much more to help Dru than I ever did.” 

“Oh, nah, you’re good. I… well, you know, we just take mental health really seriously in New Zealand, mate.” Nick replied. 

“Would you like to sit with us? Sing some songies?” Dru asked as she motioned to a table where two dark haired men and what looked like one of their grandmothers sat. The very prim looking one of the two smiled a huge goofy smile and waved. The other man glowered. The old woman smiled happily. “Viago wants us to do an ABBA song. But I want to do Kate Bush.” 

“Well,” Spike looked at Rupert who nodded, “we can come say hello. But Jack and Ianto already have a table for us.” 

“Ooh the pretty spacemen. Yes. Such good friendies. Come meet my Kiwis!” 

Rupert and Spike followed Dru and Nick to their table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “That was badly done, badly done indeed” is from Jane Austen’s Emma. I think that there's not that much to do in New Romney so Spike and Rupert both spend a lot of time reading - often reading aloud to each other. Rupert loves Spike so much, he even let's Spike read his poetry aloud. 
> 
> I am very grateful to st_mick for lots of great conversations we had about Spike and his various relationships - that really informed the processing that Spike does about his exes in this chapter.


	5. “Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken lovelorn on your rocks”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very happy evening of karaoke is had by all. But the night takes a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from “Song to a Siren” by Tim Buckley (but I’m hearing the cover by This Mortal Coil).

By the time Jack had looked at his wrist strap meaningfully which Ianto read as, "it's past midnight, can we leave and go have sex in our room now?" it had been a thoroughly enjoyable evening. 

Leilani had reported that John was ok and that Ethan had come back and apologized for losing his temper. And the pair had headed off to the sunroom for some reason.

Jack had convinced Ianto to sing "Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)" and Lorne, predictably, had said very nice things about them. Including, and Ianto was never going to let Jack forget this, to Ianto that "you really do know everything. Please trust your instincts, you will be right and see something that Jack can't."

Spike had introduced Jack and Ianto to Drusilla's vampire friends from New Zealand who were all incredibly nice, even the grumpy one named Vlad was nicer than most people Ianto had met. The very smiley one with a Romanian accent, Viago, explained that Vlad had just broken up with his on-again-off-again girlfriend who they were all calling the Beast. So Viago and his wife Katherine had invited Vlad along on their couples trip with Nick and Drusilla thinking a trip to an intergalactic karaoke resort might help take his mind off of things. Jack had a great time flirting shamelessly with both Viago and Katharine. 

They had watched Spike and Giles sing "Anarchy in the UK" and Leilani do an awesome version of "Savannah" by the Clicks. Viago and Katherine did "Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive", Vlad did “Du Hast” by Ramstein, and Drusilla and Nick did a surprisingly moving version of Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush's "Don't Give Up" that brought everyone to tears. Finally Viago had talked them all into singing "Fernando".

Ianto had gotten slightly buzzed on alcohol from a planet that's name he couldn't pronounce and was, as a result, quite horny, and so when Jack looked at the time, Ianto was more than ready to head out.

They said their goodbyes to everyone. It seemed that Spike and Giles were at the same place because they jumped up and said their goodbyes as soon as Jack and Ianto did. 

The elevator ride to their floor was a bit awkward. Ianto and Jack tried to ignore the fact that Spike kept drunkenly licking Rupert's neck. Ianto could see both embarrassment and arousal warring for prominence on Giles's face, with the latter mostly winning Likewise, Giles studiously ignored how Jack kept nibbling Ianto's ear. Ianto was trying really hard not to giggle each time Jack did it. They quickly said their goodbyes and ran to their respective rooms as soon as the elevator door opened. 

"You were magnificent tonight," Jack said as he was clumsily pulling off Ianto's clothes. 

"Mmmm, you mean the song?" Ianto was drunkenly fumbling with the buttons on Jack's shirt. 

"No, I mean everything. Everytime I looked at you tonight you were glowing and I wanted to have you right there on the dinner table, in our booth, on the stage…" Jack had gotten Ianto's blazer, shirt, and undershirt off and was kissing his neck and shoulders as he worked on Ianto's belt and the fly of his trousers. 

Ianto moaned and pulled Jack's shirt and undershirt off. Soon they were both naked as they tumbled onto the bed in each other's arms. 

Ianto writhed and groaned under Jack's probing fingers and questing tongue. He pulled Jack level with him and captured his mouth in a kiss. It was all tongue and teeth and utter ecstasy. Jack moved down, licking and kissing Ianto’s body, until he took him in his mouth and Ianto couldn’t think anymore. He was taken away on waves of ecstasy. He never got tired of this. And it never got dull. Jack had been so intense since the events of Thames House. Since the very first time they made love a day after Ianto revived beside Jack in the morgue, the sex had been on a completely other level every time. It was like Jack never really stopped trying to make up for lost time. Never stopped regretting closing himself off. He was open and raw when they had sex. And then after...

After they had finished, they lay in each other’s arms, happy. Ianto loved all of it but he especially loved these quiet moments. It was just the two of them in their own little world. Jack stroked Ianto’s hair and Ianto lightly ran a hand up and down Jack’s forearm. As usual in moments like this, they talked about this and that. Jack told him stories from his life. It was bliss.

And then the pounding on their door started. 

“Eyyyyyyyyecandyyyyyyyyy please let me in! Pleassssse!!!” 

“Oh for fuck sakes.” Jack spat. “How the hell did he get our room number?” 

Ianto was already extricating himself from Jack. The pain in John’s voice nearly bowled him over and sobered him up immediately. It was like hearing a baby wail, he physically could not hear that sound and do nothing. 

“Jack, I’m sorry, we have to help him.” Ianto said as he pulled on some track pants and threw a robe at Jack. “Get dressed, I’m letting him in.” 

“Ianto, your kindness is annoying sometimes. If you lie down with dogs, you’re going to get bitten.” He said. 

Ianto looked at him disgustedly. “Jack, we do not blame the victim around here.” 

“Pleeeeeeasssse!!! I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 

Jack snorted in annoyance. Ianto closed the door to the bedroom behind him and staggered to the outer door of the suite in his track pants. 

***************************

Finally a rumpled looking Eyecandy opened the door. He looked like he had just been fucking. Which, John felt bad about interrupting him but this was serious.

“Can’t you go to Leilani?” Eyecandy asked. 

“No, they have really solid boundaries and it is well after midnight. Please let me in Eyecandy?” John sobbed. 

Ianto sighed and moved aside. “Alright. Come in then.” 

Eyecandy pulled over a chair. "Why don't you sit and tell me what is going on." 

His deep voice was very soft and gentle. Much more gentle than John's would be if some idiot had banged on his door well past midnight when he was having sex with Ethan… oh fuck, Ethan. John started sobbing again. 

Eyecandy put a gentle arm around his shoulder and encouraged him to sit. Then Eyecandy knelt in front of him and ran a gentle hand up and down his arm.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Was he physically violent with you?” Eyecandy was doing that emotionless mask thing again. 

“I’m… no… he didn’t…. But… he told me to get out of our room. He… he… called me a whore. But, like, not in a fun and sexy way.” John said between sobs. 

“Can you tell me what happened? I mean, was there something that set him off?” 

“It… it was that horrible woman. Harmony. She thought I was Spike. Everyone always thinks I’m Spike. I’m my own person, you know!! And she… she just came up to me and started kissing me! And I mean, even if I *was* Spike that wouldn’t be okay! His boring librarian would be pretty mad about that. But also, it’s assault, she assaulted me. I didn’t want to be kissed by her, or anyone else but my Magic Hands for that matter. And now… now he’ll never kiss me again! He’ll never touch me again!!! He’ll never doubly penetrate me with his magic dick and his actual dick! What am I going to do?” 

John once again collapsed into sobs. 

“John, it’s okay, we’ll work this out. Something is going on, we’ll get to the bottom of it.” 

“We will?” John looked up through his tears. Eyecandy’s blue eyes were shining with compassion. He knew he had made the right choice flirting with the front desk clerk to get Eyecandy and Captain Pretentious’s room number. 

“We will.” Eyecandy confirmed. “Now, after Harmony assaulted you, what happened then?” 

“My Magic Hands saw her kissing me. He got so angry. He said horrible things. He wouldn’t listen, he should have been mad at her. She forced herself on me! But he was mad at me, he barely even noticed her. He stormed off. Then I just drank a lot and did my song. Lei came and they were comforting me and he came back. It was like he was a different person. He was so sorry. He asked if I was okay. He said he didn’t know what came over him but he just got so jealous.” 

John could see the gears turning in Eyecandy’s brain. That man was so smart. He was so glad that his Magic Hands had made Eyecandy immortal for John’s birthday all those years ago. That was such a good present. Magic Hands was so good at giving presents. Oh god! John was never going to get a present from Magic Hands again! He was never going to have that amazing and mind-blowing birthday sex again. He could feel the sobs returning.

“Hey, hey, John, it’s okay. We’ll fix this. Come on, come back to me. I need to hear the full story to figure it out.” 

John shook himself. “So then, it was okay. Magic Hands was his normal self. Well, he said he had a sinus infection or something, he felt weird. He's been feeling weird since before we got here. In London he was so grumpy. And the mood swings? And he says food tastes chalky but I tried his food, and it was fine. But anyway, otherwise he was himself. So we went to the sun room and had sex against the glass. I don’t think anyone was outside so no one could see but it was still really great sex.” 

He could tell Eyecandy was straining to not roll his eyes.

“Anyway, we were heading back to the karaoke bar. Magic Hands said he would do a song. We got a seat and I went to the washroom. And when I came back, that horrible Harmony vampire was talking to Ethan. He looked like he was going to explode. He saw me as I approached… I… Eyecandy, it was terrible.” 

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“I love my husband so much. He is the best person I have ever met. No one makes me feel like he does. No one has ever made me come as hard as he does. Not even your dumb Captain. But at that moment, I was afraid of him. He looked so angry. Harmony just giggled and went off. And… so then… Magic Hands got up and walked out. He didn’t even look back at me or acknowledge me or anything. I followed him. And when we were in the elevator… He looked at me like I was garbage. And he was all ‘How could you?’ But I didn’t know what I had done.” 

John tried to stop his hands from shaking. Eyecandy looked so sadly at him but nodded for him to go on.

“So when we got to our room. He never raised his voice. He was so angry he didn’t even yell. He just said. ‘Harmony said you found her again when I went off and you had sex with her. She said you said that you ‘weren’t Spike but if she didn’t care, you didn’t care.’ And I was speechless. I don’t know this Harmony bitch!! Why would she hate me so much that she would make something like this up? But I don’t care about that little harpie. Why would my Ethan believe her?? He knows me. He knows I don’t go for Valley Girls, or vampires. And he knows that I would never do that to him. I… I just don’t understand. I thought I knew him. And…he… he said we were over. He said he never wanted to see me again. He said, 'get out of here before I put a curse on you.' And he meant it! I mean he couldn't put a curse on me because of Lorne's wards, but you know what I mean." 

John couldn’t cry anymore. He was suddenly exhausted. He just wanted to curl up in a ball on the floor and die. He couldn’t face life anymore. Not without his Magic Hands. 

“I’m sorry.” That American accent that he used to love so well said. John looked up. Jack had come out of wherever he was and was standing behind Eyecandy. “That’s shitty that Ethan is treating you like that. But you’ll find someone else.” 

Eyecandy turned around and stared at Jack in disbelief. Then he turned back to John. “I need to talk to Giles. I think… Well, I need to talk to him in the morning. You can stay here for tonight.” 

John tried to ignore the irritated sigh he heard from Captain Pretentious. 

“Thank you.” He said weakly. 

“There are some couches here in this room, will one of them be okay for you?” 

John nodded. He was so tired. 

“Okay, I’ll find a blanket for you.” Eyecandy stood up and walked to the closet. He turned and said, “Oh, and John? It is going to be okay. I know it is.”   
******  
John settled down on the couch and pulled the blanket around him. He could hear Eyecandy and Captain Pretentious arguing. 

"Jack please have some compassion. He's in so much pain. We have to help."

"I'm pretty sure all the people he murdered were in pain but he killed them anyway."

"Yes, of course, Jack. But he has changed. He isn't that person anymore." 

"You're very cavalier about the man who is responsible for Tosh and Owen's deaths." Jack spat.

"You do not get to use her name to win an argument." John couldn't see Eyecandy but he could imagine his eyes shining in anger. "You know John wasn't completely acting of his own volition. And you know who was! But even if he was, John suffering won't bring either of them back." 

He could hear Jack sighing loudly. "Fine Ianto. But what do you expect us to do? Babysit him whilst he gets drunk and watches reality tv and cries? He got dumped by a psychopath, it's for the best. This isn’t our problem!"

"I disagree. Something is up with Ethan. John said he was acting weird before Harmony came along. And he's right, Ethan wouldn't believe some stranger over John. Someone is influencing him." 

"Ianto, that's ridiculous."

"It's not. This hotel is full of witches, vampires, people with preternatural abilities."

"But Lorne's wards? No one can do violence here." 

"But maybe the curse or whatever was done before they got here?" 

John's heart started beating rapidly. Could it be true? It had to be true! Magic Hands would never treat him this way. He had been with Magic Hands for almost seven years and had never seen him like this. John felt the will to live coursing back into his body. Eyecandy was right! It was going to be okay. 

Eyecandy and Captain Pretentious continued to argue but John tuned them out. He started to daydream about all the amazing makeup sex he and Magic Hands would have when Eyecandy and the boring librarian fixed Magic Hands! He barely noticed when the arguing stopped and he heard Eyecandy settle himself onto the other couch in the room for the night. He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love to hear what your think!


	6. "Wrapped in the warmth of you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto and Jack discuss John's problem with Spike and Rupert. Lorne has a talk with Ethan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from the song "Gorecki" by Lamb (which should be familiar to Torchwood fans).

Rupert yawned and stretched. It was past 10 so he probably wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. Spike was nestled against him like an adorably sexy ice pack. 

Ever since Spike had sought him out in his little cottage in New Romney and rekindled their relationship, things had been easy and comfortable between them. Spike with a soul had the same caustic wit and goofy enthusiasm for odd things like Bloomin' Onions. But he had none of the frustrating anger and joy in causing pain - emotional or physical. 

They had settled remarkably easily into domesticity. Both of them had longed fruitlessly for a solid and healthy relationship for so long. They had longed for a partner they could trust and in who's undying love they could rely. And finally, they were both ready to be that partner to each each other. It was all so easy and comfortable. 

There were times when Rupert thought about the heightened - and frankly dangerous - sex they used to have. It wasn't that Spike was evil that had made it so hot. But it was the struggle that William did to push past the demon that made it so passionate. Rupert had sometimes missed it but decided he was too old for that kind of intensity. Besides, feeling secure in being loved, and the way William held him and cherished him after they had both come more than made up for the slightly diminished passion. 

It was natural that the burning passion cools over time. And Rupert had still been very satisfied with their sex life. But then, after the discovery about the implications of their immortality? Ever since William started drinking Rupert's blood, the sex they had went from nice to scorching hot and mind blowing. But there was still the feeling of security and total love in the aftercare. 

Rupert sighed and looked at his peacefully sleeping lover. How the hell had he won the relationship sweepstakes like this? 

He noticed his phone was flashing. It was a text from Ianto.

"More relationship drama with the chaos couple. When you are up and about I need to talk to you about it."

“Just waking up now. Breakfast in 20 mins?” Rupert texted back. 

“See you in 40. I texted Willow, she has some ideas.” Rupert smiled. Ianto knew how hard it was to get out of bed when you were sharing it with a preternaturally hot man. 

He shifted away from Spike who stirred. 

“Noooo,” he said, pulling Rupert back to him. “Don’t go yet. I need my warm pillow.” 

Rupert laughed. “Is that all I am to you? A heated pillow?” 

“Yes.” Spike said sleepily. 

Rupert couldn’t resist, he slid back into Spike’s open arms. “That’s fair, you’re my little ice pack.” He gently kissed the top of Spike’s head. 

“Little? That’s not what you said last night when I was fucking your brains out.” Spike nestled into his shoulder. 

“Fine, you are my large and thick ice pack. But William my love, I am sorry, I have to get up. Your doppleganger is in trouble again. He’s still fighting with Ethan. Ianto thinks it's something magic related. He needs my help with them.” 

“Ugh!” Spike suddenly sat up. “Wait. Dru said something last night. It didn’t mean anything to me at the time but I think it’s related.” 

“What did she say?” 

“She said, ‘someone put a blindfold on the witch. He thinks he’s seeing the world but it’s really someone’s movie.’ I thought she was babbling as usual but since she’s been on the meds she just talks funny but she’s making more sense. I think she’s got psychic powers or something.” 

“Oh dear… that, uh, does sound like someone has put a hex on Ethan. Well, which one of his many enemies could it be?” 

Spike ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll come with you, in case I can help. I do hope you appreciate how much I love you to get up well before sunset!” 

“Of course, my darling.” Rupert sat up and pulled Spike into his arms and kissed him. He was glad that Ianto said 40 minutes. 

***

When they got to the breakfast room it was clear that Ianto and Jack were having some sort of disagreement. They were sitting farther apart than normal and Ianto’s face was completely blank. Rupert guessed it had something to do with John and Ethan’s fight. He noticed that John was tearfully talking to Leilani and Lorne at a different table. But they both smiled when they saw Rupert and Spike. 

“Good morning!” Rupert said cheerily. 

“Wow, you’re up early!” Jack said to Spike. 

Spike yawned. “The things I do for love.” And he smiled goofily at Rupert as they both sat down.

“What has our, uh, friend, John gotten himself into now?” Rupert asked whilst cleaning his glasses. 

“He and Ethan had a fight and Ethan threw him out.” Jack explained. “Ianto thinks Ethan is under a spell and I think that Ethan is an asshole - which - makes him perfect for John, who is also an asshole.” 

Rupert and Spike weren’t sure where to look. Neither of them wanted to get in the way of this argument. 

“Granted they are both chaos machines. And John has caused significant strife to me, as I know Ethan has to you. But…” Ianto looked meaningfully at Jack. “this feels different. John swears Ethan is acting out of character. They have been together seven years, I figure he would know what is and isn’t normal chaotic behaviour from Ethan.” 

“But couples fight Ianto.” Jack returned Ianto’s meaningful look. 

“Not like this. If it wasn’t for Lorne’s wards Ethan might have put an irreversible curse on John. That is not normal behaviour. John asked for our help. I can’t stand idly by and not give it to him.” 

“Well nobody helped all those…” 

“Enough, Jack!” Ianto said with more irritation than Rupert had ever heard from him. “I get it, you hate John. I’m not saying we have to be best friends with him but he needs our help. Someone is making Ethan do something against his will. That’s just not right. It doesn’t matter what he’s done before or whether he’s a good person or not. He was tortured for years and years, he doesn’t deserve more mind control.” Ianto took a deep breath and looked surprised that all that had come from him.   
“Ianto.... I… I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t like him. But when you put it like that…” Jack admitted. 

“Look…” Spike said cautiously. “I really don’t want to get involved in your little lovers quarrel but I am inclined to agree with Ianto.” 

Spike told them about what Drusila said. 

“That must be it!” Ianto had that look that he always got when he was right about something. “When I texted Willow to ask her about it, she said that it sounded like a spell that made him inclined to believe what someone else was telling him and not his eyes or someone he trusts and who would be telling him the truth.” 

“So how do we break the spell?” Rupert asked. 

“I think we need to do some research.” Ianto said. “I’m going to look at my charts and see if there are any of their exes that might want revenge.” 

“Lorne said last night that Harmony’s companion had registered them, perhaps that person might be a clue. Do you think Lorne would, uh, bend the rules and give us that name?” Rupert asked.

“That’s a good idea. Can you ask him?” Ianto replied. 

“Of course.” 

“I’m thinking we should ask Willow to join us. Someone will need to talk to Ethan and to look for a charm or some sort of sign that’s fueling the curse. He has that weird fan boy thing about Willow and also she would know what to look for better than any of us.” Ianto continued. 

“Another thing we could do is ask Ethan to sing.” Spike suggested. “That way Lorne could confirm that he’s under a spell. Or if he’s just an asshole. Or, maybe, probably, it’s both.” 

“That’s a great idea!” 

************************************

Lorne knocked on the door to Ethan’s room. What a muddle this all was. He was enraged that someone would violate his strict protection rules. New Caritas was a sanctuary and if it got out that someone maintained a hex on a very powerful witch under his roof, it would be terrible for business. He had to get this solved quickly. 

“Ethan, sweetie pie?” He called out. “It’s Lorne. I’ve just come to check on you, see how you’re enjoying your stay.” 

He could hear Ethan moving around but he didn’t come to the door.

“Come on ducky! I just want to chat.” 

“Go away!” Ethan finally responded.

“Oh sweetie, I know you’re hurting. I can hear it in your voice. Why don’t you talk to ol’ Lorne-y about it. It always helps to talk about problems, I find.” 

There was a scuffling and then the door opened. Ethan looked haggard and his eyes were red rimmed like he had been crying. 

“I don’t think you can fix my problems, Lorne.” 

“Oh sweetie pie!” Lorne exclaimed as he moved into the room. “We can certainly try. Are you okay? You and John had a fight, right?” 

“Is that what he told you? Did he say that? A fight? More like he betrayed me. He defiled our marriage bed. He fucked some vampire floozy who thought he was that studpid vampire with the cheekbones. That’s not a fight! That’s heartbreaking betrayal! That’s treason!” 

Lorne decided it was better if he didn’t try to explain that technically treason was crimes against one’s country and Ethan was, demonstrably, not a country.

“I’m so sorry Ethan. That’s just so sad. You must be very upset.” 

“I’m upset you’ve got this place warded so I can’t hex that two-timing little slut!!” 

“Ok ducky. Let’s lower the temp a little bit. Anger can be really bad for your blood pressure. I think I can help you. Would you maybe sing a little bit for me?” 

“Will me singing make Johnny not a worthless whore anymore?” 

“Well, you singing won’t turn back time. But I can tell you where you need to go. And I find when I’m in a bad mood, sometimes singing makes me feel better.” 

Ethan looked at him warily. “Alright. But if all you have to tell me is that I should forgive Johnny and forget, well don’t waste your breath. That’s not going to happen!” 

“Noted.” Lorne replied. 

“Do I need to sing a whole song?” 

“No, just a little bit should be fine.” 

Ethan cleared his throat and warbled,   
“ Well, did he make you cry  
Make you break down  
Shatter your illusions of love?  
And is it over now, do you know how?  
Pick up the pieces and go home” 

Lorne concentrated as hard as he could. When he heard singing it was like there was another layer of sound that told him the fortune of the singer. With Ethan, it felt like listening through a tin can. That was a sign in and of itself. But what he could hear very very quietly was that someone was blocking Ethan. They were trying to hide their tracks but there was some influence there. Ianto and Drusila were definitely right.

Drusila had such a gift, Lorne thought to himself. He wondered if he should offer her a job? The more she worked with Lei-li the better she was understanding her visions. And she was misgendering Lei-li less and less. They would have to work on the lack of a filter, he couldn’t have her insulting guests. Or could he? That in itself might be an attraction, ‘come be insulted by the seer.’ That was definitely something to think about…

“A-hem.” Ethan coughed. Oh dear, Lorne had been lost in his thoughts.

“Sorry sweetie pie, I was just thinking about what it all means.” 

“And?! Please tell me my expert interpretation of Madame Nicks’s song was not in vain.” 

“Well, I don’t know how to say this Ethan. I think someone has it in for you. Someone is trying to sabotage your life.” 

“Well no shit Sherlock. Is that someone about this tall, wavy hair, preternaturally beautiful cheekbones, likes wearing a Napoleonic military vest, and is a huge fucking tramp??” 

“No, I mean, the actors in this event are not all acting of their own volition.” 

Oh that was a good one. He could see why Drusila’s vague and incomprehensible statements worked so well. No accountability if they were wrong, you could always say the client misinterpreted what you said. 

“Someone made Johnny cheat on me??” 

“I’m not sure. We need to do more investigating. Jack has gone to get Willow.” 

Ethan suddenly perked up. “Willow’s coming here?!! She’s going to help me? *THE* Willow Rosenberg? Helping me???” 

“Yes, yes she is ducky. Don’t you worry, things are going to work out. You’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I would love to hear what you think. 
> 
> Ethan sings a few lines from "Gold Dust Woman" by Fleetwood Mac.


	7. “Anyway, I can try anything it's the same circle that leads to nowhere and I'm tired now”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Ianto figure out the source of the hex on Ethan. More reckoning with the past ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song "Monochrome" by Yann Tiersen.

Jack and Willow arrived just after Lorne had returned from talking to Ethan and confirmed that someone had indeed put a hex on the witch. Willow went to drop off her suitcase in her room and Jack went to his room. Rupert thought he looked quite subdued since he and Ianto had been fighting.

When Willow reappeared from her room, Rupert was so glad to see her despite the circumstances. 

"Giles!" She squeed when she saw him and rushed to hug him. "It's so good to see you!" She released him and smiled appraisingly at him.

"It's lovely to see you too Willow." 

"Red! Thanks for coming!" Spike said as he hugged her too. He had just come back from his nap and was still looking adorably sleepy. Sleepy or awake the man was breathtakingly beautiful.

"You both look great." Willow almost giggled. 

Everyone kept saying that. 

“How was your trip here?” 

“Oh you know, I don’t do much travel by vortex manipulator so my head’s still a little woozy. But I’m good.” Willow looked around. “I love what Lorne has done with the place!” 

“Willow!” Ianto had spotted her and came over. “Are you all settled in your room?” Ianto asked. “I hope Lorne gave you a nice one.” 

Suddenly Jack was there too. Rupert wasn’t sure where he had come from.

“It’s great!” Willow chirped. “I hope I’m not here too long but its getting late so probably best to stay one night. How’s your research going, Sir?” 

Ianto beamed. Rupert could tell that he still found it a little strange - after calling Jack ‘sir’ for so long - that both Willow and Lois consistently referred to him that way. 

They all sat at a large table in the solarium. Ianto pulled out his laptop and began opening software. Jack tentatively stood at the seat beside Ianto. Ianto looked up and nodded his head sadly and Jack sat down.

“I’ll show you. So Lorne told me that Harmony is travelling with a man named Efrek Aslmonsian. He’s human but from one of the future Earth colonies.” 

Ianto pulled up a picture on his laptop and showed it to everyone. 

“Jack, do you think he looks a little familiar? There’s something about him that I feel like I have seen before but I can’t place it.” 

“I agree,” Jack said looking at Ianto’s screen. 

“Like, I’ve never seen him but I have seen his sibling or something. But he’s not from Boeshane, is he?” 

“No…. but… hmm, family resemblance. That’s good! Oh you are so smart! I’ll widen my search to family members.” Ianto grinned at Jack. Jack smiled for the first time that day. There was still a bit of awkwardness between them, Rupert could see, after their disagreement about Ethan. But he had no doubt that would be worked out soon given the way Jack perked up when Ianto called him smart. 

Ianto was busy typing on his laptop. Rupert watched Jack watch Ianto. Jack was clearly getting turned on by how studious Ianto was looking. 

“Oh my god!” Ianto covered his mouth with a hand. “It’s not about Ethan! And… Harmony didn’t mistake him for Spike. That was a cover.” 

“What do you mean?” Rupert asked. Spike had leaned forward in curiosity. 

Ianto turned his laptop around so they could see the image on his screen. It was a light skinned Black woman with curly hair. She looked very much like Efrek. Jack gasped, clearly he recognized her. 

“The cluster bombs that were really diamonds that were really a DNA bomb?” 

Ianto was nodding. “Apparently her name was Elfine Aslmonsian. She is, or sorry, was, the sister of this Elfrek guy that Harmony shacked up with.” 

“Was? Is she dead? DId Ethan kill her?” Spike asked. 

“Not Ethan.” Jack said. “It was John. That was before he met Ethan, before he went back to murder rehab and actually took it seriously. He murdered her for something he thought was diamonds but was actually a bomb designed to bond with the DNA of the person who killed her and blow them up. But thanks to Owen’s quick thinking, that didn’t work. That’s a whole other story...”

“So this Efrek bloke, he’s been waiting, what, ten years for his revenge?” 

“It would appear so.” Ianto concluded. “That’s a lot of pain. He must have been really close to his sister to wait this long for revenge.” 

“Presumably he did enough research to figure out that he can’t physically hurt either John or Ethan. So he tried to break them up?” Rupert guessed.

“So, let me get this straight, he puts a curse on Ethan, then gets Harmony to make it look like she’s seducing John? This is a very complicated plot with lots of moving parts that could go wrong in any number of ways. Surely he could have just, I don’t know, called the Intergalactic police?” Jack said. 

“Perhaps but maybe he didn’t think he had enough evidence to prove that John killed his sister?” Ianto guessed. “But Jack and I do. We saw him admit to it and we saw the video where she identified John as her killer.” 

“So what should we do?” Willow asked.

“I think you should try to figure out how to break the hex. It’s not fair to Ethan that he should be punished. Willow and Rupert, can you figure that out?” Ianto asked. “And I think, Jack and I should try to find Efrek and talk to him. It’s really what he wants. If he wants to press charges we can testify that we saw his sister’s message and we heard John admit it. But I am hoping we can work out some sort of restorative justice thing. I think that John has changed. Finding Ethan has given him more of a respect for life. If Efek is willing to do some kind of mediation, perhaps we can do that?” 

“I think I should talk to John.” Spike said. Everyone looked at him in surprise. “We’ve both done some horrible things. I think I can get him to listen to me. He’s got to be willing to face the consequences for his actions.” 

Rupert smiled at William. He never thought it was possible for him to feel more love for this man, but every day William surprised him and he fell deeper and deeper. 

**********************************

“Ianto?” Jack looked nervous. 

“Yes?” 

“Before we go talk to Efrek, I just wanted… I feel like I should apologize to you. You were right. Lorne said you would be right. But I was so sure of myself. I’m sorry I was an ass to you.” 

“It’s okay Jack. I am okay. Thanks for apologizing.” Ianto took one of Jack’s hands in his. Jack smiled with relief. “You were right though, about John. He has done some horrible things. I do think he’s working through that. I know I’m biased because he saved my life. But I believe he is capable of regret and capable of being accountable for his actions. He’s annoying and an exhibitionist and narcissist and I really don’t want to be friends with him. But he’s really trying to not be a murderous psychopath.”

“Ianto,” Jack looked very emotional, “I talk so much about how Torchwood is all about second chances. But you always remind me that that means for everyone. You make me such a better person Ianto. Even if I don’t always listen. I can’t hate John or Ethan totally either because they gave me a second chance with you.” 

Jack pulled Ianto into his arms, nuzzling into his neck. Ianto held him tightly back. Jack's pheromones still affected him as much as the day they first met. And he was flooded with relief that the fight was over. The world felt out of joint when he and Jack fought. He wanted to pull Jack into a room and have frantic make-up sex. But there was no time for indulging in that right now. 

“Come on, we need to talk to Efrek. We can get back to this later.” Ianto said with a wink. 

They saw him immediately when they entered the bar. He was sadly drinking in a corner. As they approached, Ianto said gently, “Efrek Aslmonsian? Can we talk to you?” 

Efrek looked up and nodded. Ianto was overwhelmed with his sadness. Ianto and Jack sat at the table.

“You friends of John Hart?” He said it with resignation like he knew that he had been found out.

“Oh no!!” Jack said too quickly. 

We aren’t but he has asked us for our help. “I’m Ianto Jones, this is Jack Harkness. Full disclosure, Jack used to date John.” 

“But it was because we were stuck in a time loop! There were literally no other options.” 

“Since then,” Ianto continued. “John was not a force for good in our lives, and then he was, it’s very confusing. But in 2008 John brought a heap of trouble to us. He was being manipulated by an outside force but he made his own decisions too. As a result of all that we lost two of our co-workers. One…” Ianto paused. He still found it incredibly hard to speak about Tosh. “was my very best friend in the world. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. So it’s obviously not the same thing but I understand how you feel about your sister. Tosh was like a sister to me. She was closer to me than my own sister is.” 

“We are so sorry for your loss.” Jack said. “If you want to pursue legal means of punishing him, we will fully stand behind you. We want you to have justice. We have evidence that he did it. But we just can’t have you punishing an innocent person for what John did. Ethan has had quite a lot of trauma in his life and he has paid tenfold for whatever crimes he’s done.” 

“I understand.” Efrek said. “You know, I have spent so long grieving for Elfine. She is - I mean was - my twin sister: identical twin. No one could tell us apart before I transitioned. We were the cliche of twins. We could finish each other’s sentences and we almost had our own language. We used to tell each other everything. She was there and had my back for every hard thing in my life. She’s the reason I could live my truth. It’s been so impossible living without her. I was so angry. You know, If she had died of cancer or died in battle, maybe I could get past it. But for her to be murdered by someone who didn’t even care. He took her life and then just went about his day. I couldn’t get past that.”

Ianto immediately like this soft-spoken and thoughtful man. How cruel that he should suffer in this way. 

“I became obsessed.” Efrek continued. “It took me a few years to find out his name and who he was. And then, I knew he was slippery and protected by a very powerful witch. So I studied magic for years and years. At first I was so angry and extreme that I was terrible at it. But I learned. I kept my goal of revenge in my head as I learned. I worked so hard and I got better and better. All the time, I thought about how I could torture and kill John. And then, by the time I felt that I was good enough to come for him, I learned that he was immortal. But I didn’t let that stop me. I figured out a way to get to him. To destroy the thing in his life that he valued the most. And I did. Ethan is done with him. He doesn’t handle betrayal well. My influences and getting Harmony to lie made the betrayal complete.” 

His hands were shaking as he reached for his beer and took a sip. Ianto’s heart was breaking for this man. 

“So I succeeded. Ostensibly I won. John is miserable and broken. But… But it didn’t… I didn’t… Bringing him down didn’t bring her back. He’s so destroyed, I watched him singing karaoke and he sang three Lana Del Rey songs. But… it’s so empty. It doesn’t make me feel any better. And you’re right, Ethan hasn’t wronged me. And he’s miserable too. And I don’t even really like Harmony, I mean not in that way. She's cool and all but not really my type. The sex was great but we don’t really have anything to talk about. But you know, when I met her in a dive bar in Pasadena she just seemed like such a sure bet to help me with my revenge.” 

“I am so sorry Efrek. I truly am. I wish we could turn back time and bring Elfine back. But I think that one thing that might make you feel better. I don’t think that John is the same person anymore.” Ianto explained. “When he met Ethan, he changed. He finally has someone he’s afraid of losing so that puts everything in perspective. He reconciled with his sibling and they made him get into therapy. He’s still quite annoying, to be honest, but he’s no longer murderous. Being in love has made him think of others - at least sometimes.” 

“I understand. And I think you are right. Watching him these past few days, I can see that.” Efrek said sadly.

“It may not seem obvious, since we dated, but I hate John. He brought chaos to my team and he was partially responsible for the death of two beloved friends as Ianto said. If I had known of you at the time I would have called you to help with your revenge. But then…” Jack got a little emotional. Ianto felt so proud of him for being so vulnerable with, essentially, a stranger. “But then… Ianto and I, we went to confront these aliens. It was stupid, it was my fault, it was a terrible plan. But we went and they released an alien virus that killed everyone immediately. As I watched Ianto die, I thought my life was over. I’ve been immortal for years and years. I’ve seen so many lovers die. But he was different. I knew I couldn’t live without him. And I hadn’t ever said I loved him. I had been afraid and I hid it. But what I didn’t know was that for probably not exactly the right reasons, John and Ethan turned back time and they made Ianto immortal.” 

Ianto smoothed a hand on Jack’s back and handed him a cloth handkerchief. Tears were streaming down his face. 

“If it wasn’t for John I would have lost the person who means the most to me in the world. I would have become a hollowed out shell, a ghost. I would have gone on for eternity missing him and feeling fragmented. So… this man, he was capable of so much evil. But love has made him capable of so much goodness. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me… about us. You are right and justified in your anger and your pain. I mean it when I say that we will help you find justice.” 

Efrek smiled sadly. “No, it’s okay. Thank you for telling me. I am glad that you got a second chance. The connection between you two seems very pure. And I am glad John has worked so hard to change.” 

“Efrek, we probably have no right to ask you this. But… Could we try to set up some sort of mediation? If John could prove to you that he’s remorseful, would you feel okay with that?” 

“I think so. I don’t know. Nothing else has worked. So let’s try that.” 

“Thank you.” Ianto said. “You are very generous.” 

“Also…” Jack said handing Efrek his business card. “We could always use more people at Torchwood, especially with your skills…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I would love to hear what you think. 
> 
> There's been lots to think about with the Buffy-verse this week. This story has so many themes of restorative justice and dealing with past abuse. It's weird because I wrote all of this before the stream of Buffy actresses started bravely speaking their truths in public. But I want to make very clear that restorative justice can only work if the perpetrator admits what they have done and takes real steps to demonstrate remorse and that they have changed their ways. I hope this story shows that all the characters who ask for forgiveness have done a lot of that work on themselves and are honest and open about the harms that they have caused.


	8. "I'll lose everything, but I'll never let go of your hand"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike talks to John. Plus a lot of reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song "Never Let Go" by Tom Waits.

John was sitting in the solarium, staring out the window. Spike still found it a little weird how much the man looked like him. 

"Um, John?" Spike said tentatively. 

John whipped his head around to look at Spike. 

"Haven't you done enough? First you steal my face and then your ex turns my husband against me. What do you want now?"

Spike resisted the urge to say that he was much older and John was from the future so it was actually John who stole his face. Instead he just sat down beside John. 

"I am so sorry about you and Ethan. I know what it's like to crave love so badly you think you’ll die. To go so many years alone and then not alone but with a string of partners who aren’t right for you, who doesn’t appreciate you. And, like you, I also know the absolute feeling of relief that comes when you find that person. The person who sees you - knows all your flaws but loves you anyway. Loves you because of those flaws and because of everything good about you. After so long, it’s magical. But it’s terrifying. You’re so much more vulnerable than you were when you were alone. If Giles ever left me I would completely fall apart. So I understand what you’re feeling right now. Because, honestly, it’s my worst nightmare. I am so sorry that Ethan is acting how he is. We did some investigating and we figured out that someone did put a hex on Ethan. The thing with Harmony was a set up."

John perked up. "Eyecandy proved it? I knew he could! And I knew that Ethan would never treat me like that! He’s controlling, he’s a narcissist, but he’s so good to me. He loves me. And he’s so gentle at times, when I want that. But also, sometimes not. You know like how sometimes you just want someone to chain you to a bed and completely humiliate you and then use you as his fuck toy? He knows exactly when I want that, and he’s very good at it.”

Spike suddenly understood why Ianto rolled his eyes so much around John. But he tried to keep his face neutral.

“And I don’t know if you know this, but we had been together for five years before we got married. I knew the second time we fucked that I wanted to be his forever and I think he felt the same. But Ethan knew that I needed to change some things before we committed to each other. He could see into my soul and he saw that I wasn’t really happy being how I was. He gently urged me to reconcile with Leilani and to go back to murder rehab. He loves me so much that he wants me to be well, to be healthy. Everyone thinks that Ethan is crazy and loves chaos - which he does - but all those years in the Initiative’s torture facility in Nevada has made him so much more compassionate. Sure we both love chaos but we don’t kill people. He encouraged me to deal with my past and to get help. He doesn’t show it cuz he doesn’t want to ruin his reputation for evil. But when no one is looking he is so scrupulous and he makes me want to be a better person. So… I need… Can you fix my husband?" John looked so hopeful.

Spike nodded. John wasn't going to like what came next. 

“That’s no problem. Willow can lift the spell. But John, it’s a bigger problem than just the spell. It’s why the person cast the spell in the first place. Do you remember a woman named Elfine Aslmonsian”

“I don’t. Why does she hate Ethan and me? Why is she trying to break us up?” 

“She’s not. She’s dead. I’m not surprised that you don’t remember her. I didn’t remember my victims. Not until I got a soul. And then I heard all of their voices - and there were a lot of them - but I still don’t remember all their names. But that’s not the point. You murdered Elfine Aslmonsian because you thought she had diamonds. That’s why you went to Earth and how you met the Torchwood folks. Ringing any bells?” Spike looked at him. John had gone white as a sheet - except for his hair and clothes they now looked almost identical. 

“Oh no! Yes, I remember her. I… Oh fuck! I dream about her all the time. Yes, I completely murdered her in cold blood. It was nothing to me at the time. But if I could go back...” 

“Her brother put the hex on Ethan. And he set Harmony on you. I owe you an apology for that one. Harm has some very good reasons to hate me. So I imagine the idea of enacting vengeance against someone who looked like me would be right up her street.” 

John looked absolutely miserable. “What can I do Spike? Should I let her brother kill me a few times? Make him feel better? Should I go back in time and undo it?” 

“Oy! Let’s not get too far down the rabbit hole. Going back in time would create a whole shitstorm and make things worse. John, you have to take responsibility for your actions. Show some remorse. You have to live with the fact that you took a life and you can’t ever fix that. Ianto and Jack are talking to the brother right now. It’s up to him what he wants to do. But I think that you need to admit it and apologize. Even if that means bad things for you. Even if it means incarceration. And if you aren’t really sorry, I don’t know what to tell you. Because you have to mean it. An apology that you don’t mean will be worth nothing to this grieving brother.” 

“I understand. Spike, I do feel bad! I hate that man that I used to be. I swear to you, I am not him anymore!I think....” John couldn’t finish his sentence because there was a small voice from the other side of the room. 

“Johnny?” 

Spike and John looked over and there stood Ethan followed by Rupert and Willow. Ethan looked like shit. His eyes were red from crying and his hair was messy. He always had that sort of louche gone to seed Vegas performer look about him but now he looked quite pathetic. Rupert looked as sexy as he always did. 

“Magic Hands!” John cried out in pure joy. But then it was as if he suddenly remembered what Spike had said and he looked absolutely miserable. 

Ethan saw John’s look and his face fell. He shuffled over to John and Spike. Rupert and Willow followed him at a distance to give him space.

“Johnny, baby! Can you ever forgive me? Please, you have to understand. I had no control over my actions.” Ethan had thrown himself at John’s feet and was kneeling and sobbing in front of him. John looked even more miserable. 

“Oh Magic Hands! It’s forgotten. I am not mad at you. I’m so glad that Eyecandy figured it out. Please come to me.” 

Ethan was in John’s arms instantly, he clung to him and sobbed. 

“It was so awful. How could I believe those things? That stupid vampire? So cheap. I know you would never betray your Magic Hands for her or for anyone. I know that you only flirt with others to make me jealous for our elaborate sex games. Oh Johnny, how can I make it up to you?” Ethan started kissing John’s neck. ‘You can punish me, if you like?”

Spike got up and went to Rupert and Willow to give John and Ethan some privacy. Rupert smiled at Spike and raised a questioning eyebrow. Spike nodded and Rupert looked relieved. Then he started to clean his glasses. Spike had become conditioned to be sexually attracted to the cleaning of glasses, every time he saw Rupert do it he wanted to rip all his clothes off. But then again, everything Rupert did elicited that reaction in him. Rupert had put his glasses on and seeing Spike’s look he blushed. Rupert blushing made Spike next level horny. But it wasn’t just that everything Rupert did made Spike want to fuck him - although that was true. He looked at Rupert and he thought his heart might explode. He had never thought himself capable of loving someone like this. 

John had finally put a pause to his frenzied snogging with Ethan. He pulled back and then he started bawling. 

“Magic Hands,” he wailed. “It’s all my fault! The magician… It was… I… It’s my fault. I killed his sister almost ten years ago and now he wants vengeance. But... but... he should get vengeance. I’m a murderer. I did such horrible things. She was such a smart and beautiful woman… And I killed her. I killed her like it was nothing. How can you love me now? How can you love these hands when they have taken so many lives? How can you love me when I’ve done these things and I brought this on you? You…. you should find… find someone better. I’m a bad man and I… I don’t deserve you. I need to go to jail and rot for eternity.” John collapsed into sobs. 

“Oh no, Johnny. My Johnny. It’s okay. I still love you. I will always love you. And you know what? You know I know your past. But you’re not that man anymore. You went to that therapist Leilani referred you to. And then you went back to murder rehab. All your bad decisions and all your chaos are just fun now. None of them lead to death. You’ve changed my love. And I would still love you if you were a murderer but you’re not anymore. And I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of my beautiful and kind Johnny. You saved me. And you saved Eyecandy. And you made all those people at our wedding immortal. And I will do anything in my power to save you. If you have to face justice, I’ll do it with you. I’ll take half of your punishment. Because you’re mine and we share our burdens.” 

Both John and Ethan were weeping as they began to passionately kiss again. Spike felt the need to turn around to give them privacy. He, Rupert, and Willow turned and gasped as they saw Jack and Ianto standing with Efrek and Harmony. This was not good. The grieving brother was not going to enjoy seeing John macking on his husband instead of feeling remorse.

“John? Ethan?” Rupert said as he turned again. “I think you need to pay attention.” 

Efrek stepped forward as John and Ethan broke their kiss and gasped as they saw him. 

“I am so sorry.” John said. “I took so much from you. I understand that you want vengeance. Please take it any way you see fit. You can kill me as many times as you like. You can chain me up - but not in the fun way, that’s just for Ethan.” 

Efrek walked towards Ethan and John. There was no sound in the room other than Efrek’s shoes on the ground. When he was close to the two men, he stopped. He looked at them, they looked at him. 

“I forgive you.” He said. “I don’t know you and I may never like you. But I forgive you. I don’t want anything from you. Your remorse is enough. All of these people - who I can see are good people - are willing to vouch that you have changed. That is enough.” 

Harmony rushed up beside him. “I’m so sorry! I don’t know you. Frek-y told me all about it so I helped him. I was so moved by his story. But he’s right. You seem to have changed. So I feel bad. And sorry Ethan, you didn’t have any part of this.” 

“Oh but I did!” Ethan protested. “Like I said, John is my husband. In sickness and in health. In the good and fun kind of torture and the bad and painful kind of torture. I will accept any punishment he faces.” 

John was looking at him like he was the sun itself. 

“I don’t think we need anymore punishment.” Efrek said thoughtfully. “I will go now. Willow broke the wards and I have also ended the spell. You will not be bothered by this again.” Efrek turned to go.

“And Frek-y? You’re nice but I know you aren’t really into me. Let’s just part as friends and cut our losses, okay?” 

Efrek smiled sadly and nodded. “Thank you Harmony. You are a kind soul, regardless of what you would have everyone believe. And Jack and Ianto: you have been so kind to me. Your sympathy is much appreciated.” 

Jack and Ianto who had their arms around each other smiled and nodded at Efrek as he walked out of the room.

Spike was surprised that Jack didn’t offer Efrek a job right on the spot. Or knowing Jack, he probably already had. He seemed to be always trying to hire people. Rupert said it was because Ianto read him the riot act about under-staffing Torchwood after they both survived Thames House. 

“We’re going to go… uh… go, we’re going to go now.” Ianto said after Efrek had left. Willow and Spike exchanged a look and giggled. Clearly it had been a long day and Ianto couldn’t think of an excuse when they were obviously going off to have sex in their room. 

“Shall we?” Rupert said, with a look that said he was thinking that Jack and Ianto had the right idea. Spike liked that idea very much. But Spike had unfinished business.

Unfortunately John and Ethan were not thinking the same thing - at least about the going to their room part - as they were pretty much having sex right there in the solarium. 

“Just a second.” Spike said to Rupert. “There’s something I need to do.” 

Rupert smiled proudly at Spike. “I know, William, I’m glad you’re doing this.” 

Spike walked over to Harmony. 

“Hey, uh, Harmony. Can I talk to you for a minute?” 

Harmony turned and glared at Spike. 

“I know! Okay, I know it was wrong. Ethan didn’t do anything to Frek-y. You don’t need to lecture me about it, Spikey.” 

“No… oh, no, Harm. That’s not it at all. Look…” Spike looked down. This was really hard to get out but he needed to. “I… well… Okay, I was horrible and abusive to you. I’m sorry. I treated you really badly. When we first met I was older than you, I should have set a better example instead of yelling at you and treating you violently.” 

Harmony looked like you could knock her down with a feather. 

“I regret how I treated you. I want you to know, I think you’ve grown into a very smart and powerful vampire. Please don’t let anyone treat you like I did. You are worth so much more than that. I am truly sorry.” 

“Oh… I… Spike, thank you. You’re right. You were a bastard and so mean to me. But I don’t need you to tell me that I’m great. I know that. I learned that in spite of you. I’ve got all kinds of things going on that you’ll never understand and never know about. You really missed your chance with me. You have no idea. I helped Efrek because I was moved by his story - I have compassion. No soul, but I can feel compassion for someone. Especially someone who’s that good in bed. And I didn’t even turn him. That’s how mature I am. I’m awesome and you’re missing out. But anyway, thanks for apologizing. It does mean something to me.” 

Spike smiled and held out a hand, “Maybe being friends is too much to expect, but can we be friendly acquaintances?” 

Harmony grinned and shook his hand. “Let’s say friends!” 

And she flounced off to the bar. Spike watched as she ordered and Dru’s friend Vlad approached her. 

Rupert came over to Spike, put an arm around him and kissed him on the top of the head. “Did that go okay?” 

“Better than I had hoped.” Spike smiled. “And look! Vlad is making a play for her. I can see them together.” 

Harmony was laughing and touching Vlad’s arm. He was trying to look aloof but it was clear he was very into her.

“Quite.” Rupert said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love to hear what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan and John have found a way to apologize for all the grief they caused everyone. But will their plan cause even more drama?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from a line from the song “The Dead Don’t Die” by Sturgill Simpson.

“Look at them,” Ianto said with a huge grin, “they are like two school boys, so happy to have found someone else who laughs at their dirty jokes." 

He sat with Rupert and they watched Spike and Jack play ping pong in the sunroom. They were both quite good at it: Spike on account of his vampiric reflexes and Jack because that gorgeous man was good at everything. 

It was so nice to finally relax after all of the wrangling with John and Ethan’s epic fight. 

“No doubt they are trading ‘that’s what she said’ jokes as we speak.” Rupert said archly. 

Ianto sighed happily. “I don’t know how I ever caught his eye. But I am so glad I did.” 

“Oh, I do know what you mean. Although in your case, you are quite wrong. You’re just as beautiful as he is. But well, with Wil, er Spike, that is.” Rupert agreed. “He’s quite gorgeous, and well, I’m quite a retired librarian.” 

“Oh Rupert,” Ianto laughed, “that’s not accurate. And it’s not what he sees when he looks at you.” 

“Oh, I am well aware. I keep telling him he needs glasses.” Rupert laughed at his Dad joke. 

“But, Giles, I mean, I know how you met him. I know about the chip and everything. But, how did… Well, I mean, if it’s not too personal, how did you get together?” 

“Oh, it’s a bit of a long story. I guess it started because I was feeling useless and depressed about not having a job, having lost my job as a librarian and as Buffy’s Watcher. And he was feeling useless and depressed because of the chip. And then, well, you know, it actually started because of Ethan. He turned me into a Fyarl demon. Spike was the only one who knew it was me. And there was something about… Maybe it was because I was a demon and had that understanding or could have been that I saw Spike want to help me. He asked for money, of course, but that was to save face. And so, once I became human again. One thing just sort of led to another… And well, there was lots of drama after that. We were both terrible at times to each other. And finally it was too much. It ended. But I don't think I ever stopped loving him. Not really. Even when I should have. I always hoped we could find a way to be together that was healthy. So then, after everything, after a lot more drama and betrayals on both our parts, he came to visit me in New Romney and well, Willow and Dawn sent him really. I guess they had figured out about us. Dawn has always been perceptive about those kind of things. And they could see that we were both lonely. And, the rest as they say, is history.” 

"What made you not give up?" Ianto asked thoughtfully. 

"I did give up sometimes. For years actually. Especially when, uh, when he was obsessed with Buffy. But life is long, or at least I have been blessed with a long one. A very long one now thanks to the Chaos couple. I’m lucky that I had the time for another chance. But, uh, how about you? How did you keep hope?" 

"I always knew Jack loved me. Even when he didn't act like it. I saw how he looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking. I heard the things he said when he thought I was asleep. But I guess it took me dying to make him realize how important it was to say those things. Like you, I owe those two idiots so much. They gave me my immortal life but also, they gave Jack and I a second chance."

Just then Willow appeared in the sun room with her suitcase. 

“Oh Willow! Are you leaving?” Rupert asked.

“Yeah, I asked Jack to take me home. I miss Lois and there’s work to be done at the Hub…” Willow realized what she said as she looked at Ianto. “That you do not need to be there for Sir! Please stay and enjoy your vacation.” 

Ianto smiled. “I will, these past few days have felt like work so I am looking forward to some peace and quiet.” 

“Eyecandy! Bookface!” 

“Well, so much for that.” Ianto said as they all turned to see John and Ethan heading towards them. Spike and Jack stopped their game and both headed over to see what was happening. 

“Oh and Mistress Willow!” Ethan said reverently. 

“We realize,” John started, sounding nervous, “that we’ve created a lot of stress and work for all of you on your holiday. We are very sorry. But we are also so grateful! You saved Magic Hands from that nasty spell. And, especially Eyecandy, believed in us when I was losing hope myself.”

“We are eternally grateful!” Ethan added. “You all are the best friends that a devastatingly handsome couple of brilliantly chaotic geniuses could have.” 

Just then Lorne walked in with Efrek. 

“Oh good! You are here! Just on time.” Ethan said. “John?” 

John gulped nervously. “Efrek, I did Elfine a great harm by murdering her. I have caused so much pain and suffering to you and your family. If I could go back, I wouldn’t do it again. I feel so much remorse. I can’t take away all your years of suffering. But…”

Ethan said a complicated incantation and a swirling hole appeared in the sunroom.

“COME TO THE LIGHT!” Both John and Ethan yelled in unison.

And that moment a confused looking Elfine - looking just as she did the day that John killed her stepped forward. 

“We can stop that suffering by bringing her back.” John concluded triumphantly. 

Everyone stared in shock.

“Elfy?” Efrek croaked.

“Effie?” Elfine responded. 

And they flew into each other’s arms, sobbing. 

“But… but… what is this? Will this last? Is, uh, is she fully back? Will there be magic ramifications? Will it unleash a demon?” 

“I mean,” Ethan said cagily. “We don’t think so. It’s a simple spell to recall people from the House of the Dead.” 

“It’s so perfect. She’s alive again so I made up for murdering her. I am still sorry though so you can’t be mad at me about it. Anyways…” John was grinning in a way that made Ianto very nervous. “We got all of you, and Eyecandy in particular, a thank you gift. Also it’s an early birthday gift for you, Eyecandy!” 

John and Ethan faced the swirling hole again, “COME INTO THE LIGHT! BOTH OF YOU!” They yelled.

And then Ianto grabbed onto Jack’s hand. His heart was beating too fast. From the hole stepped two women. One was a shy looking blond woman who was holding the hand of a woman whose face he thought he would never see again. The hole closed behind them.

“TOSH?” 

She looked confused for one second and then broke into a grin, “Ianto!! Jack!!” 

He rushed towards her, followed by Jack, and pulled her into a bear hug. She gripped him back just as hard. 

“I never thought I would see you again,” he sobbed. He felt Jack enveloping both of them in his arms. 

“I watched over you, both of you, from the House of the Dead, I could see how you were sometimes. Owen said to say hello. He didn’t want to come. He’s happy there with Katie.” she said. 

They all pulled back and looked at each other. 

“Oh but you must meet my new girlfriend, we met in the House of the Dead.” Tosh gestured to the shy blond who was staring not at them but at someone else in the room.” “This is…” 

Before she could finish Willow stepped forward and said, “Tara???” 

The blond woman nodded, looking helplessly between Tosh and Willow. “Yes.. I...I’m back?” 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end on a bit of a cliffhanger like this. I just felt like Willow & Lois and Tosh & Tara need a full story to work everything out. So that will be the next Rainy Hearts story whenever I get around to writing it. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading this! I would really love to hear what you think. And Happy Valentine's Day!


End file.
